Biar dibukakan ceritera ini dibawah liputan awan, didalam dakapan tuhan yang esa dan didalam kerinduan kepadaNYA.
Agar gundah,ketabahan dan keimanan hamba bisa diambil pengajaran. Ini cerita.Bukan cerita sonsang. Cerita dari inspirasi namanya. cerita dari sang pendeta yang tidak berkualifikasi dalam sastera-sastera kemelayuan.
Tidak mengapa.
Akan diceritakan juga.
Hati seorang wanita, lembut. Kalbunya mudah rapuh. Linangan air mata sebagai pengungkap duka dan nestapa. Andainya ia bisa diekspresikan lebih dari itu..
Cerita bermula.
Burung-burung bermain diatas dahan-dahan pokok rosa.Membikin prosa mungkin?Tidak pula ia berkicaun seperti kala, hanya intaian pada jendela.
dan kelihatan seseorang disitu. Bergolekan diatas katil beralaskan cadar satin putih.
Gigitan kesakitan seakan satu penyeksaan. "Allah...Allah...Ya Allah...." terkumat kamit.....Mata dipejam.Tangan digenggam.Kerut wajahnya tidak susah pula di interpretasikan oleh sekecil budak.Dia didalam kesakitan.Yang amat. Yang sangat.
dan dia seorang wanita. Tidak diketahui namanya. Umurnya? mungkin didalam linkungan 20an.Berkulit cerah.Lebat bulu matanya.
Dicapai ubat-ubatan ditepi katil. Butiran pil. Bentuk dan warnanya yang berwarna-warni seakan smarties...ditelan sebiji demi sebiji. Setiap biji dibawa bersama keperitan kepada mulut dan tekak yang berbijikan ulcer dan berbengkakan tonsil.Air mata itu.Jernih.Mengalir kembali...
Tak terdaya lagi. Telah kebal dia dengan kesedihan dan kedukacitaan menusuk jiwa.Kematian Jiwa.Sudah! Tak mampu ditanggung.Argh! Dipejamkan mata kembali, pejaman yang sepejamnya. Dahi berkerutan."Kembalilah...kembalilah wahai kehidupan. Tuhan,Simpatilah diri ini...pinjamkanlah secuit kesabaran dan kekuatan pada hambamu ini.." . Mata dibuka,harapan kembali.Biar kesakitan masih ada. Esok mungkin? Bila matahari menyinar,langit membiru dan warna-warna pelangi menghiasi.Menenang kalbu. dan Seluruh pengharapan hanya padanya. Doa diungkapkan berkali dengan sepenuh pengharapan. Dari seorang hamba kepada tuhannya. Tuhan yang maha pengasih.
Ini adalah ungkapanku. biar tatabahasa bertaburan.Tidak ku kisah. Asal cerita ini bisa diluah.Mendalami perasaan.Memahaminya. Agar diri mensyukuri ni'mat dikurnia. Biar cinta kepadaNYA mendalam kembali....tersungkurku hanya utk kembali bangun..
p.s: This does not imply anything.whatsoever.
Dedicated to a fellow 'blogger'. Thanks.
'Mr, I see that people might get disturbed with my writings.'
I see the blog as a tool. To discover deep inside our millions of thought.Whether its in +ve/-ve state of mind.
For me mr, its an expression. Thoughts can kill you.Slowly.Without you ever realizing it.
For me mr, Thoughts also inspirations. It brighten your day.Its like shining stars.Millions of it.
Thoughts can influence your emotion. Thus, projected through our act.
My writings are not meant for critiques. Different people see different things in different context. Thats what interest me.
My writings, it comes out of emotions. Where for once, 'waras'ity put aside just for this one moment. One place. and it'll stay there. Not an insult. Just unfiltered emotions.So, my heart can be free. Free....from the reality. and as reflections....
This is me.a lot of weakness.Trying to imrove.To see.What the mind and eyes didnt see before.
Im not a writer. Just an expressioner.The blog as the remedy.
Got home finally after a month of 'gombaking' the Gombak campus.
Bedilan mencampakkan ia,melukainya,mendukainya dan dia terbaring disitu lemah x terdaya lagi dibawah runtuhan yang menindih.
Dan dia, Aufa' Al Thaariqy sendirian........ Dilihat abi terbunuh syahid dikala membidik musuh. Dilihatnya ummi jatuh merebah bumi sambil abi didalam dakapanya.
Kesedihan mulai berpeleseran didalam kalbunya bagai wabak yang membunuh. Ya, kalbunya ditindih lebih berat dari tindihan runtuhan. Siksaan jiwa. Duka nestapa yang kembali menyegarkan memori derita.
Have you ever feel as if you losing it?
Slowly you feel distant to that someone or that something.
As if they walking away.Slowly.Gently.
As if falling in dark deep hole unreachable by anyone.
As if you're searching the unknown.
And no words can ever describe the agony. It feels numb. No matter how much your heart stabbed to death.
We fell one too many.And yet, we come back on our feet again. Same goes as hope.
It keep us going no matter what. But hope, can be shattered. With truth and cries. But still, we're hopeful.
Hope is a catalyst for our belief in the divine being. The supreme being who look down on His creation and say "be patience, for jannah is for you".
For every events that shed your tears,it shed for HIM.
A simple post out of untangle thoughts with nothing much except for self-expression and something to keep YOU going. You know who. It'll be ok.
Also dedicated to those who are struggling in GAZA.
p.s:I sang a song to you through the floor,To reach you upstairs (just got back to my room, with tiredness overwhelming the will)
Looking down at my baby blue adidas watch, it reminds me.
today is 13th of jan. 8 days since. And since that hundreds more killed in what seems to be the mimics holocaust of the modern era.
We lie down on our comfy bed and complaining. Like usual. As always.
We keep and keep complaining on how little pathetic things as if it is end of the world. I regret that.
I hope we can do something. Not just demostrations. But, more than that.
I always wonder. What does it means and feels to be happy.... and I think I have the answer. Just an answer. working towards it.
Happiness. Its basically what most not all of us chasing for. Isnt it?
I laughed and I laughed, for there, I dont feel any happiness inside at times.
Ive done sins, for there i dont feel any pure satisfations nor any tranquility with it.
Is it with money u find peace in yourself?
Is it with women in your arms that you find satisfactions and happiness?
"Alangkah bahagianya menjadi hamba kepada ALLAH."
I find tranquility performing my prayers, I miss the moments where all my physical and my ruh humblin infront of HIM without any other place to put hopes except on HIM. When your tears broke off like a pipe losing the knob.I miss it. I miss the moment.
This is me. Im searching. The truth. Was lost before.
Bring me closer to YOU.
Im thirsty. But gallons of water cannot cure me. Im thirst of your hidayah RABBI.
So bring me CLOSER..
Bismillahhi Rahmani Raheem.
Prayers and infaq for our palestinian brothers. A sense of jealousy in me. I wish I can be one of the syaheeds.
Alhamdulillah,
Allah has granted me with another day under his blessings. Another day, A new Year and new hopes arises.
It was the year 1429,
Its not an easy one. I can tell.
2008
-as-siyaahah fi Syria and Jordan.
Fi hallab, i skipped class for this
Alhamdulillah, My trip to Syria and Jordan for 2 months brought thousand of memories, the bad and the ugly. For the 1st 3 weeks or so i fell in love with Syria. It has its on tranquility in its own way. To be among the scholars, the islamic classes and the land of anbiya'. I'd rather call it my spiritual journey same as goin to umrah. I'd love to stay there for another year....... I do. I really do. Sa azhabu hunak marathan thani iza indi fulus. ngeh~
-Tahfiz
Some of the kids...
While on semester break, i decided i want to learn quran.again. And straight i fell in love again. The reason? tranquility, as I feel closer to Allah by learning his kalam. It such an amazing and sensational feeling to be able to memorize abstracts of the kalamullah. Yes,It is hard. It is boring at times.Long hours sitting and memorizing word by word, ayah by ayah and pages by pages. It goes on....and i started to think, I want to be HAFIZ. Yes. I was so reluctant to continue my degree for the time being. So I decided to take study leave. It sound crazy for some of us. But not in my case. I have a friend, he's from UK. He's a lawyer with newly wed beatiful wife. Beatiful house and cars. So one day, out of hectiness workloads. It came to him, "this is not my what i want most in this life". and then......he left behind his house,his car and his JOB. But not his wife though.Hehe. Off he goes to Syria. In search of the almighty..... For some of us the journey started late....and sacrifices have to be made. One thing in common between us, It came to a point in our life that all joyness of the world does not mean anything to us except with the clossness of god deep rooted in our qalb.There are few of whom i met like this for example my lecturer,in his case he started at the age of 50. MasyaALLAH. . Ya ALLAH kurniakan rahmat Keimanan dan hidayah didalam hati-jati kami.
Unfortunately after discussing with few friends and seniors.Also not to forget a sum of salatul istikharah i decided to continue my degree. I tell you, its a damn hard decision to make. It is. It is though. Only a day before the registration day, that i accept the offer letter. I wanted to become a Hafiz at the same time my responsibilities prevent me from doing so. I mean, my parents not against my idea. Insyallah, if time permits i'd love to continue again. Even another juzu' would mean alot to me..........
After all...there are things i'd rather keep to myself. Things that hard to explain. Ya Allah....strengthen me,equip me with your iman for the upcoming days,weeks and if you permit me to live for another year...
ahlan 1430..2009.
p.s: let du'aa for the people who having difficulties this time especially palestinian and **** and family.
