notes of a muslim

Assalamualaikum,

Lately i noticed that i'm losing my appetite. I live with low motivation. Waking up in the morning with melancholic thoughts and Id say to myself, " whats wrong dude, appreciate today, they might not be tommorow for you".

Its like pulling a 5tons of weight, to open my academic book lately. I prefer the Islamic book that I have just bought myself last week instead. and..once again I said to myself " you can have the whole 3 months of holiday to read it..."

I found myself currently in the state of searching and hoping. Searching for HIS lost iiman. yes, thats my priority. But, one thing I know.. changes are difficult. Especially for the better. Its not easy. People talk.You feel as if youre a hypocrite.and being in the middle of identical conflict. Its hard to take off the bad akhlaq of yours. But it doesnt matter.Slowly, i know I can. Muhasabah/reflection is important. It keeps you straight. Mujahadah is the key.

you see, after growing up my teenage life in the west, under all the influences. I realized what all my life Ive been brought up with and yet failed to appreciate.

I'd tell you, growing up in the west is not easy. Especially when you going through the teenage phase. and I will tell you why.

-Constant swearing.
- Free mixing between genders.
-the media and the cultures.
-Atheism among friends.
-Political correctness
-etc

I've been through all of it. Some of my Muslim friends never made it back. Some, from headscarfed to free hair....and some as constant party goer. Alhamdulillah, Ive been safeguarded. and I hope they will too..

From different side of the world, I have seen people with Islamic background failed to appreciate their number one asset(deen). Some, seeIslam from the 'aqly way and not from the heart or the qalb. They have been blessed with the abilities, only to see it as a norm.

I am writing this as a muhasabah, let us look back at our life. what we have. and say alhamdulillah.. and make the most out of it. even you cannot memorize the whole quran, eventhough you are not as pious as some. It is the effort that count and it is also the mercy of ALLAH.

dalam perjuangan kta akan selalu jatuh kedalam square zero. dan sbagai hambanya, kita bangun mengejar infinity.